I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
