is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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