I have demons in me.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
