I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize