She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
