My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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