how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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