Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
