Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
