at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
not ubering you a puppy
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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