I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
