I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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