I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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