Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
