I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
my poor anus
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
