Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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