ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
