Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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