Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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