I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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