My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
