If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
