I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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