Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
