What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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