it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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