i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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