I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
