i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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