i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
