Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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