you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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