Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize