Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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