Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
