I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Randomize
