I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
