Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize