i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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