i think i have two assholes
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
