If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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