Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize