Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
