Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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