Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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