Only a mothe r could love this liver
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
