Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
