i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
