In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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