Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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