I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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