Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
