he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
