i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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