I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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