my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
