he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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