Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
