Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
