You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize