I got her a Nickelback box set.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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