nut hugger
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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