just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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