i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
