I have demons in me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
