I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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