What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
