Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if only i could text you this smell
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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