i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
