I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
