i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
