tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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