Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
