Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
