Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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