I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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