I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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