if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
there is glitter all over my balls
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