just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
