I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
